Struggling

These days I feel like I’m messing up all the things.

I can’t seem to keep up with it all.

I planned a field trip—set the time aside in the school schedules, got the kids ready to go, put the destination into my GPS and (thankfully) was alerted they were closed that day.  The next day, we tried again.  Made it there.  Walk up to buy tickets and find they are sold out.  Sat in the car and purchased online tickets to try a third time.  I’ll have to let you know if we actually make it through!

Then Ellie said she wanted to visit a pumpkin patch.  So on Halloween, I cut the school lists and planned to spend the afternoon at a local patch—they are closed on Mondays, so Sunday was their last day of the season.  😔

I’m behind on some of my grading, failing to hit the literature discussions on some our Mondays, and need to clean out my closet.  Ack!

We called off the second night of our AHG campout because we thought it was going to rain super hard, but it didn’t.

Someone stole our trail camera that keeps an eye on the new house.

Justin had to work late on Halloween.

And I found someone left laundry in the washer all weekend long, as I went to run my Monday washing.

Some days are like that, even in Australia.

Candid Camera?

Do you ever feel like you belong on I Love Lucy?

I've been working on cleaning out things we aren't using bit by bit.  I had compiled a nice stack of books to take to the used bookstore.

First, all the books didn't fit in the box I had, so I put some in a backpack.  Next, the box I put the books in didn’t fit in the back of the van, so I put them in the passenger’s seat. Then I had to get the stroller in, since I couldn’t carry the box, a full backpack, and Ellie.

I asked the kids to get the green diaper bag, but then I remembered that I had moved the diapers to the smaller black bag because we didn’t take Ellie into the service on Sunday, so we didn’t need all the toys to distract her. Nate cries because he wanted to carry the diaper bag to the car, but he had the green one and Gabby beat him to the black one.

We are finally on our way out the door, after everyone has on day clothes, shoes, and has freshly tinkled. As I’m locking the door, Nate begins to wail—it turns out he and Gabby were racing to get to open the van door. I get down two steps and he gets to me, bleeding. Of course, I had already successfully locked both the deadbolt and the knob, since we are using the front door due to the 400 lbs. of concrete sitting in the garage for the swing set.

I pick up the baby, head inside, and convince Nate to sit down while I fetch the things to treat his, rather wide, but thankfully not deep scrape. I ask him if he wants to try again. He does.

We get to the book store. I unpack the stroller, put the baby in it—brakes on. Get the books out, brakes off and I have to verbally coach Kate on driving the stroller, including not jumping the curb when there is a ramp right there.

We drop off the books, return to the car to drop off the box, my backpack, and the stroller, so I can wear Ellie in the Moby wrap, since she’s much more likely to stay happy that way. Kate can’t find my wallet I asked her to retrieve from my backpack, because she’s looking in the diaper bag. And I can’t remember how to fold the stroller back down. I have the baby strapped to me and my three older children trying to help by putting the brakes on. Ha! I figured it out shortly, but we must have been a sight.

The old books are out of the house and the store credit we got almost covered the cost of what we picked up. Since you can't leave without buying something, right?  Ha!

All In

I decided I was absorbed...

There have been a few things that pointed to it lately.  Justin asked me what I'd like to study more.  I was at a loss on that one.  I had thought when when we lived in Kansas that I would go to get a Master's degree when the kids were all in school, of course things have changed.  'All in school' would have only been one year off from now when that plan was originally hatched, but we decided to home school and add Ellie.  Plus the offer for a spouse to get a free degree, here, is limited to a bachelor's degree.  So there is no pressing need to decide anything anyway, so I guess I gave up thinking about it.

Then, I was telling my mother that we were letting the older kids each choose a bigger special outing to do with one of us this summer.  We'd talked about horseback riding, a train ride, pottery painting, and a number of other possibilities.  She mentioned that Justin and I were being left out.  To be honest...I hadn't even thought about what I would like to do, aside from something special with a munchkin.  I think I've become boring!

I am not the reader of fine literature I once was...now I read board books, home school book reviews, and mommy blogs as I nurse a little one, punctuated by the "Mama! Mama!" chorus line.

Speaking of chorus lines, I have moved from singing choral works and soprano solos to bedtime serenades, made up songs to teach math facts and geography, and little ones' favorites to soothe tears.

I'm not studying for exams; I'm studying schedules, lesson plans, and the children's books with them.

So, perhaps I'm not absorbed, simply immersed for a stage in time.  Just as at one time I put myself into studying as a student or later into trying to be a good teacher, now I am immersed in motherhood.  Right where I should be.  And I am using all those things I once did in this motherhood gig.

Some day when the children have flown the nest, or are at least more independent, maybe I'll go and hunt for something new to be immersed in.  Or something old.  But for now, I'm all in.

All Mine

If you talk to any mother with more than two children (and probably those with one and two hear things too), she can probably tell you that some people have a need to comment on the number of children you have.  I often hear, "Oh my, you have your hands full."  This is nearly always said when the children are all behaving, as most people steer clear of us if someone is having difficulty.  Honestly they are, generally, quite good when we're out.  They have to be, or we could never leave the house!  I also hear, "Look at all your helpers today!"  That one I don't mind.

We get comments on how Nate, being the only boy, must have it tough.  And in some ways he does, but his wife...she'll be set!  And he is an awesome little fellow--all boy, but he gets to hang out with the girls and their friends too.

I've even had the, "Are they all yours?" a handful of times.  Last week though, after being asked, "Are they all yours?"  The dumbfounded clerk, whose line we've been through quite a few times, actually asked incredulously, "Really?"

Yes, they are all my wonderful, loud, messy, sweet, joyous, difficult, amazing gifts.  I am so glad that they are mine.  All of them.

Mom's Night Out

I don't get out much without the little people, so it has to be something good to get me out in the evenings.

A group of mom's from our playgroup got together last night though.  I skipped the dinner, but joined them for the movie Mom's Night Out.  I've heard that the critics panned it.  Oh well, I often disagree with the critics, so maybe that's why I liked it.

It was funny and so many of the facets of the lead character's life were so relatable...mama, blogger, home schooler.  It was a lot of fun.  It was also one that I can show my kids some day--there was no husband bashing and no disrespect of the children.  In the end everyone rises to the challenges put before them.  It was a joy to watch.  Oh, and if you go, stay through the credits--there were some snippets at the end.

 



*I wasn't compensated to review the movie and purchased my own ticket.  I just wanted to pass it on to others who might enjoy a good laugh!

Mother's Day...

Over the years this has been many different things for me.  It is always a day to remember my mother, of course.  Her virtues and triumphs.  I laughed over a greeting card I saw this past week.  It said something to the effect of, "You made me who I am...so you can take the blame or the compliment."  It isn't the one I purchased, but I laughed enough the children asked me to read it to them.

There were several years after we were married, but my arms were empty, that I hated Mother's Day.  It actually was so hard we didn't attend church one of those Sunday's because the, "Would all the mothers, please stand?" and the pink carnations that were handed out (whether I was skipped over for not having children or given one by mistake) just stung too much.

Then we had the littles.  Motherhood is not exactly what I had pictured in my mind.  Is anyone's dream of the future ever quite what they had envisioned?

There is a little less singing and a little more bickering than I had in my head.  But there is such a depth that I couldn't have dreamed up.  The way that the children light up at each other.  The true joy in seeing each other succeed.  The way they make each other more...  I see their qualities intensified through their relationships with one another.

I am so very grateful that I get to wear the title Mama.  And I'm thankful for my Mama who first showed me how to do the greatest job of them all.

 My Mama & Me (1980)

Happy Mother's Day!

All Together Again

For the very first time Justin took some of the children and left the house for an overnight trip.  He took Kate and Gabby to camp in a nearby state park.

Ellie, Nate, and I stayed busy playing, having dinner, and they took a bath together.  Then I got everyone off to bed.  That was when it got very, very quiet.

I've never lived alone.  Ever.  I lived at home until I got a dorm room at 19.  In the dorm there were many people around all the time.  I lived on the same floor as several girls I knew from the Wesley Foundation, and I had a room mate.  I moved back home for a month after my sophomore year of dorm life and then I moved into an apartment with Justin after returning from our honeymoon.  He rarely travels for work, so I am almost never home without him.

It was so odd to know half of our family wasn't under the roof.  I tackled the girls' room to give me something to do.  I made their beds up freshly, pulled out ill fitting clothes from the drawers as I carefully folded and placed the clothes in nice neat stacks.  I matched mix-matched socks.  I pulled odds and ends out from under the dresser and their beds.  I placed these items on their beds to be put away when they arrived home the next afternoon.  Next I tackled the kids bathroom.  I scrubbed the walls, the vanity, and wiped it all down.  Finally, I climbed into bed with a book.  I knew it would be hard to sleep, but since it was nearly 11:00, I thought I might be able to fall asleep soon.

Suddenly the phone rings.  At that hour, it is either a wrong number or something is wrong.  Something was wrong, but thankfully not a big deal.  Justin called saying they were not able to sleep because it was too cold, so they were heading home.  I went to clear off the girls' beds and turn on a few lights for them.  Once they got camp broken, they called to let me know they were on the way.  I was able to tuck in the girls and kiss them good night.

It made for an awfully short night, but I was glad to have them home safe and sound.  And I'm sure I slept more soundly with Justin home than I would have.

Just Another Day

We were having a good day.  A great day even.  We got through school with only tears during, ironically, Handwriting Without Tears.  The liars.  (As an aside, I actually like the curriculum, we just have a child who weeps easily when her errors are pointed out.)

I met another homeschooling mama to buy a couple of books for next year--Sequential Spelling for the girls and a book teaching letters with Cuisinaire rods for the boy.  I want something tactile for him since he's always asking to 'do' school with the girls and we're more than a year from kindergarten for him.  We stopped by the store and bought some extra produce for the week.  The kids asked for pears and asparagus, not cookies.

We came home, seeing a lemonade stand at the front of our neighborhood.  I opted to take the kiddos home for a quick lunch and then walk back in the crisp air to get lemonade.  We ate lunches.  The kids had peanut butter on wheat with carrot sticks, and I had a salad.  We took a nice walk, but when we got there, the young entrepreneur had packed it in.  Maybe she would have done better with cocoa today.

The kids took it well.  I promised them we would make our own lemonade for snack time.  We marched back home, a mile round trip.  I opened some windows upstairs and we had 'quiet' time.

We made lemonade.  There is always a bit of a struggle when the kids are in the kitchen.  They all want to get to do the most.  No one wants to share, but we got the lemonade made with relative ease.  I let the big kids sit on the front porch with the storm door ajar, the baby in the jumper, and I was between them in the dining room straightening up our school books.

Suddenly there are shouts from outside.  Gabby knocked Nate's lemonade over, soaking him.  He sat there, dumbfounded, continuing to soak up the lemonade with his pants.  I called them all in, shutting the door and putting his cup, with some lemonade remaining, on the table.  I told him to take off his shoes and his pants to change.  Instead he takes off his jacket and tosses it on the table...knocking the rest of his lemonade onto our school books.  We wipe it up as best we can and he runs off to change.

The big kids finish their snack at the kitchen table.  Now the baby is finished jumping.  I go to retrieve her.  I had changed a couple of dirty diapers earlier, so I was shocked to find that she had leaked some on to the front of her clothes.  When I laid her down, matters got much worse!  Two grocery sacks (retrieved by Nate), 15 baby wipes (fetched by Gabby), and a bath (run by Kate) later the baby was clean...then off to treat her clothes (by the way, I've found a paste of Shout and an oxygen cleaner works wonders--not a paid endorsement, but it has saved several outfits, even if they ran through the wash, but not dryer, first) and the jumper, which does not have a removable seat, despite the fact it is fabric.

Now to get dinner on the table.  I wonder what adventures that might hold!

Sick Day

I was sick for a little over a week.  One of those mornings I was up with Ellie around 4:40.  After her feeding, I didn't have a chance to fall asleep before my turn in the shower (I shower before Justin leaves for work because...well, four children).  After that I tried to lie down, but Ellie got up again.  I finally got her back to sleep.  Then the big kids were up.  I got them breakfast and tried to lie on the couch.  Three munchkins are not quiet, even when they thought they were trying to be.  I gave up, but Kate did have the school books out when I came down.  She evidently had been giving Gabby a spelling test.  Oh dear.

Mamas are not allowed to be sick!

Things I've Learned

More than eight years ago I became the Mama to one tiny little person.  In the scheme of things babies two and three came in quick succession.  Now here I am with a brood of four.

There are a few things I've learned along the way that have made manuvering the world a little easier with several tinies.  The first things I've learned is every baby is different, so  as much as Kate needed her alone time as a baby Ellie would prefer never to be put down, so take anything I say with a grain of salt!

Wearing these last two babies when we go out has made life so much easier.  I don't have to carry the 15 lb. baby and the 10 lb. carrier.  I have two free hands to do things like open doors, find my keys, and hold a hand or two.  We do take the infant seat to places like restaurants in hopes that I might be able to let her sit while I eat.  We don't go out to eat often, but I think this has only worked once.

Instead of an absurd tent (nursing cover), I had a friend knit me a shawl.  It has regular function, so it is less out of place, so it doesn't draw attention like a huge black cape.  It isn't as easily kicked off as a receiving blanket, since it is over my shoulders.  It doubles as a blanket when folded over her in her car seat, so we take it every where.  Seriously, why didn't I think of this three babies ago?

Some babies need schedules.  Or I used to.  Or both.  When Kate was a baby, I knew I had 11 weeks to get her on a schedule before I went back to work.  I feed her every three hours, and set her feedings for her new wake-up time, to coincide with my lunch break, and the end of my work day.  This is the child I taught to read a clock when she was two because she always wanted to know when things were happening.

Ellie has no real schedule.  She eats when she's hungry.  She naps at some point each day.  She goes to sleep at some point in the evening.  I'd like a slightly more consistent evening schedule, but I'm glad she's flexible.  We have different schedules on different days because of activities in which the older girls are involved.  She rolls with it as well as I could ask.  I don't know if these girls are so different in their need for schedules because of me or their innate personalities.

I have also learned that I am horrible at sleep training.  I did finally move Ellie out of our room.  Thankfully she's been good at, since I can't stand to let them cry.  She generally gets up once a night now instead of the many times we had been doing before we moved her.  Someday she'll sleep through the night, but hopefully she'll do it one night without my pushing it.  You know, because I stink at it.

I have yet to figure out what to do when Mama's sick though.  So if you figure that one out, can you pass it on?

30 Minutes

I had the chance to sit and hold the baby girl for an entire half hour as she slept.  I didn't give a spelling test, teach fractions, read email, check Facebook, go over a book.  I just sat.  And enjoyed her.  I stared at her eyelashes.  The ones that were so short and stubby four months ago.  I traced her chubby little cheek as the dishwasher swirled and the rest of my family played a game of Sorry.  I looked at the way her hair swirls around her cowlick and wondered if her hair will be straight like Gabby's or have the curls that Kate used to have.

It was beautiful.  And fleeting.  I am so grateful to be her Mama.

Tired

Dear girls,

I know it was storming last night.  I understood that it woke you up.  I don't understand why for an hour you took turns running back and forth to the bathroom, leaving the light on, slamming doors, and talking loudly.  And Miss Gabby, I don't understand why, when I came to walk you back to your room the second time, you walked right into the wall when there is a night light in your room.  Can we please take a nap today?

Love,
One Tired Mama

Macaroni Day

In case you didn't know, my Kate, she is a talker.  She is comfortable talking to just about anyone about just about anything.  This can be difficult, but mostly it is a blessing.  She really makes people feel special and she's bright and articulate, so she does it well.

Yesterday, in her chatting, she reminded me just how scheduled I am--we have grocery day, library day, gymnastics day, church day, etc.  We went to the grocery store (it was a Monday after all).  I shook it up a little, since we've finished school, so we went in the morning.  One of the other reasons I had switched to afternoons is that then we've already had lunch and there is no temptation to visit the golden aches as a quick lunch.

So...as we were waiting for our burgers...my daughter is chatting with another patron.  She says, "Today is Monday so we're having McDonald's.  Tomorrow is Tuesday, so we'll have macaroni.  Wednesday we'll have peanut butter."

At least I rotate the days we have certain vegetables.  At least I thought I did.  I served up the mac & cheese with corn and I hear,"Yellow Day!" ...just like I did two weeks ago.  Oops.

Yesterday

Yesterday...my oldest little darling decided she couldn't do her math. An hour later it was done, but it was not an easy hour.

My darling middle child didn't finish breakfast. Or lunch. She didn't finish them at snack time either (I hold back her unfinished meals for later, to encourage her to eat what she is served). So last night for dinner she ate the corn from lunch, the last several mini wheats from breakfast, and her large dinner salad. Do you know why? She knew we were going to have tapioca pudding (to go along with one of her sister's history lessons). She knew she couldn't have it if she hadn't eaten her normal food, so she ate it all. All. And then she didn't even like the tapioca. (Me either--ick.)

Finally, I settled down with a nice steaming cup of coffee. The littlest darling climbed up in my lap. He was going to be sweet, but then he started rocking us...hard. Nice steaming coffee was sloshing all over my lap until Justin came to take the little guy off to safety and I was able to clean up.

Maybe today will be a better day. I have learned not to say, "It can't get worse," because of course it can, but a girl can dream, right?

Almost, but Not Quite

I can't find my Mama Handbook. I seem to have mislaid it the week after Kate was born. I'm trying to look up the sleeping clause, you know the one that guarantees after one of the kids keeps you up puking that everyone will sleep in the next morning. It has to be there right between 'Mama's don't get sick,' and 'Only horrible parents have children who ever act out in the grocery store.' Maybe that handbook wasn't always right after all.

Well, we made it to almost two before the little fellow got his first puking bug. He woke me crying. As I sat up and tried to decide if it was one of those cries that will result in him rolling over and going back to sleep or if he had a dream that required a hug, I heard that sound that parents know.

We lost a few hours of sleep and there have been many loads of laundry, but he is holding crackers and water this morning (and watching Veggie Tales to distract him from his thirst because I'm trying to give him water slowly). Hoping it is over and that no one else catches it!

What They Say

Little boys are always supposed to love their mothers best. It has to be true, 'they' say so. You know the collective 'they' who tell us all the great truths like opposites attract and absence makes the heart grow fonder.

My little fellow...

The sweet child who loves his Mama best of all... That little darling boy who has always giggled and smiled when I kissed those cheeks...

He's started shouting, "Stop that!" when I give him kisses. Then he unceremoniously wipes his little face with his hands. It surprised me so much that I laughed the first time, which of course means we get a lot of encores of it.

I'm sure I'm in for a life time of bans on kisses and hugs, at least off and on, but he still blows me kisses when I tuck him in at night. I'll take it.

Markers...

The other day we had out the markers for the girls to color some folders I got for them. If you know little kids and markers...well it can be a touch messy. I had hoped to distract Nate with crayons, but he's getting past the substitution stage at this point and must-have-what-sister-has. So I was thankful for washable markers and we went on with our day.

I sat right with the kids and kept an eye on them, since the baby boy had markers and who knew what he would do with them! After awhile, we packed it up for the time being. Nate was getting antsy and we needed to make a run to the grocery store.

Isn't this just a neat little postcard into the happy life of homeschool?

That afternoon as Nate was napping, I gave the girls the markers to work on their folders a bit more and headed to check my email. I hadn't even made it through all the subject lines in the list before I heard hysterical giggling. As a mom, there are three sounds that should send you checking on your children immediately: a very loud bang, complete silence, and this kind of laughter.

And I was again thankful for washable markers.

Other Days

There are days that go off without a hitch...and then there are those other days...

Days that start with your husband puking at 3 AM. So you're running for crackers and rags and water and glucose monitors (maybe that last one is just me!). Days that as soon as you drift off to sleep after he's finally sleeping peacefully again you hear your daughter screaming. You run in expecting to be up the rest of the night with her, only to find out that she is screaming because she wants her 'widdle wamb.' The same one she said she didn't want when you tucked her in last night. Thankful that she's fine, you still grumble that she got you up.

Morning comes...no time for coffee. Stumble through lessons with Kate crying she doesn't know how to read the word afraid though she had no trouble with between or workbasket, Gabby is crying that Nate took a toy, and Nate crying that he can't have all the school supplies.

Make it through to lunch. I'll splurge and make the processed cheese mac--no one will complain about that at least. Cook it all up, go to shake down the powder in the packet that vaguely resembles cheese, and the package tears open and flies across the kitchen, covering the floor in powdered cheese. Sigh, mix up what was left in the package to make something resembling macaroni and cheese. Sweep up the floor, shake out the rug.

Be grateful that it isn't any worse, that everyone made it through fine, and that it is rest time. Hope for good rest time and a better afternoon!

Dinner

We had the occassion to eat out with my in-laws over the weekend. We headed to Red Lobster. After seeing the lobsters in the tank before heading to our seats, where our food came from was fresh in Kate's mind. She told us, "If I cook a lobster, I'll put it to sleep first, so it doesn't hurt. Putting it into a pot of boiling water? Ouch!!"

On a proud Mama note...we had two different people make a point to stop by our table to compliment us on our children's behavior.

Or Else!

The girls had been in bed about 90 minutes when Kate stumbled out, squinting against the light. "Gabby bit me."

"She what?!"

"She bit me."

I checked Kate's arm and didn't see even a faint red spot, so I went to chat with her sister.

"Why did you bite your sister?"

"Well, my eyes couldn't close and the tree was lit up?"

"Huh?"

"The tree. It's lit up!"

"What does that have to do with biting Kate?"

"Uh..."

"Would she not get up to look at the tree?"

Looking sheepishly down, "Uh, yeah."

So we bite our sister when she behaves by saying in her bed at night...lovely.