Wednesday, March 5, 2008


Sleep. Why is it that Justin is asleep almost instantly as his head hits the pillow and I lay awake? It’s not that I don’t need the sleep—goodness knows I will be up between two and seven times in the night.

Last night I was awake when the dryer kicked off, so what did I do? I got up and folded the laundry and started the load of baby clothes that had been soaking. I was still awake when the washer kicked off, so I went through the clothes to see which clothes needed to be rewashed. (On a side note did you know that stains you previously washed out can come back while the clothes are in storage? I found this out when I pulled out the first set of clothes for Gabby—what a mess.) Finally after pretreating and setting yet another load to soak I was able to go to sleep. Justin never even knew I'd been up.

This is a problem I’ve had since I was a little girl. I spent my nights contemplating possibilities for the next day and mentally reviewing everything that happened that day. Perhaps it started as a time for prayer, but it quickly spiraled into thinking about everything else that I need to do or did that I question. I remember reworking geometry problems in my head when I was in high school and reciting spelling words when I was in grade school. When I was teaching it was horrible. I was terrified that I would do something wrong and destroy a child’s self esteem or not live up to my duties.

He tells me to get a good night’s sleep just think of nothing. I don’t know how. Now I wonder if this is linked to the fact I multitask. I’m used to doing two or three things at a time all day long, so maybe that’s why I review as I’m trying to sleep. Justin thinks it’s a fun game to ask me at random times when his mind would be blank, “Quick, what are you thinking about?” Invariably there’s something running through my mind—a grocery list, a thought to pay a bill, or something.

I think it really hit him when we saw What Women Want. He asked, “Are you really always thinking?”


No comments: