Happiness

I’ve spent a chunk of time contemplating happiness this week.  I see so many people striving for happiness. For themselves. For their kids.  The next big trip. The easy path. The experience. The new. The exciting. The never ending search for something to cram in that God shaped hole in their heart.

The thing is those are all fleeting things.  Dust.

I was challenged on my view.  Surely, as a parent, I want happiness for my children.  I don’t. I want holiness.

See God promises joy, not happiness.  Joy isn’t fleeting. Joy is a gift from God.  Happiness is a feeling. Dopamine. Happiness is insubstantial, where joy is enduring.

Life can be so hard.  Sometimes our lack of happiness is due to the consequences of our choices.  Sometimes, for seemingly unknown reasons, other than the fact we live in a fallen world, these circumstances seem to befall us.  The thing is, it isn’t accidental. God knew we needed this trial to be who we need to be to reach heaven.

I’m not here to make my children happy (I’m also not here to make them miserable...most of the time!).

I can’t step in and remove each discomfort that would be used to shape their character and expect them to grow.  I don’t know how God will shape and prune them to fit them into the kingdom, just the way He needs them.

And after I was challenged about my assertion that I really didn’t want my children to be happy (if that’s not what they need).  I talked to the kids about it. Guess what. They weren’t surprised. They know I’m not out to get them, that we make choices to do things they want, but, thankfully, they know happiness is not our goal.

Heaven is.  Loving Jesus.

I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;

    I refused my heart no pleasure.

My heart took delight in all my labor,

    and this was the reward for all my toil.

Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done

    and what I had toiled to achieve,

everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;

    nothing was gained under the sun.

Ecclesiastes 2:10-11

The law of the Lord is perfect,

    refreshing the soul.

The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy,

    making wise the simple.

The precepts of the Lord are right,

    giving joy to the heart.

The commands of the Lord are radiant,

    giving light to the eyes.

Psalm 19:7-8

Not Fair

Back at Kate's birthday I got her a journal to pass back and forth.  A place to write me questions so I could take some time and think out true, meaningful answers.  I wouldn't ever share what she writes to me, but here is a note I wrote to her.  One that is true for anyone who might wonder why life isn't fair...


Dear Katie,

You are right. Life is not fair. You remember at the very beginning of the Bible, Adam and Eve sinned, right? Ever since then, the world has not been fair.

I’m sure you’re thinking of things like someone getting more cookies or extra time playing. And those things, daddy and I try to keep fair. They aren’t equal—you and your brother and sister are different ages and sizes, you all will have different things you like to do, and sometimes different things will just happen to be available.  

Here’s the truth of it all though—that’s not what is really unfair. Do you know what is really not fair? We messed up. Do you know what should happen to us because we sinned? We should be separated from God forever. But in the biggest not fair thing ever, Jesus, who lived the perfect life, without any sin, died like we should have—all because God wants you to be with Him. It was not fair. It was the most unfair thing ever. 

Life isn’t fair. Sometimes you will not get what you want. Sometimes you won’t get what you deserved. And sometimes, sweetheart, that is a very good thing. I’m sorry you don’t live in a perfect world, but because you have Jesus, who loves you more than Daddy and I ever can, some day you will get to go to heaven and everything will be right again.

Here’s a Bible passage to look up too. (Matthew 20:1-16) I’ll help you if you can’t find it. We’ve read it with Daddy before, and maybe you’ll remember that the workers all got the wages they agreed to. They all got the same pay, even though some of them worked many more hours. It isn’t equal to the hours they worked, but Jesus said it is fair. It helps us understand we all get to go to heaven, even though some people have been Christians since before they remember and others didn’t love Jesus until later—we all loved him and all get to go because He loves us and died for our sins. Isn’t that wonderful? Aren’t you glad that everything doesn’t have to be fair?

Love always,
Mama

It is scandalous.  Truly.

All Alone

When you have more than one child, you have to be intentional to spend time with just one at a time. Let's face it, hanging out on the couch with them is nice, but is likely to be interrupted by the siblings. We try to take individual children on errands when it is feasible too, but sometimes it is great to do something special just with one of the kiddos.

Last week I took Kate to a science museum nearby, just the two of us. We got to spend time on things that are hard to do with the little ones. She got to 'fly' in the moon walk

and we went geocaching indoors and out.

This week I took Gabriella to see a movie.

We saw The Smurfs. It was her very first movie. Not one I would really recommend as a great work of cinematography, but it had some funny lines and was reminiscent of my childhood--I loved the Smurfs. Plus it was a great afternoon with you youngest gal.

Meanwhile, Justin took Nate for a nap...

Next month we'll switch and the girls can go on 'dates' with their Daddy.

Revolt

If they do nothing else, my children keep me humble. Last week I thought I had the sleep situation worked out, but alas it was not to be. Gabby got sick, which may have caused the beginning of the lapse, but now it has spun out of control. We're talking hours to fall asleep and at least an hour before the alarm goes off (for a 3 hour loss on the night--every night).

Last night I lost track of how many trips we made, but it ended with me sitting up there for 45 minutes or so, just praying for wisdom in how to handle this situation. I was visibly upset, evidently, because Kate asked what was wrong, so I told her that this was my time with Daddy and that she and Gabby were keeping me from that. Generally, we believe honesty is the best, but evidently my devious little girl takes this as her point of attack. This morning she tells me that she's going to ruin my evenings and not let me watch any more movies by making me come upstairs.

How do I convince them that this is worth their effort and not negotiable? We've tried rewards. Then we warned if we came up again there would be no Sesame Street today, so there was no Big Bird or Elmo at our house this morning. Is staying consistent with this the best plan, so they know we mean business or do we chuck this plan as a failure and move on to something else?

The quandaries of parenthood! I'm sure there will be a day that fighting in bed will seem small and insignificant, but it is a battle to be waged now--for peace and for rest for my sleepy eyed little darlings.

Ah the joys of bribery positive reinforcement. We put the girls together about a week ago at bed time. It's been an adjustment. The first few nights they giggled and stayed up a little later than we'd like, but as the week has worn on they have gotten louder and picked on each other more. One night Gabby, who was quite tired from all of this up late-ness, bit Kate when she was bothering her...twice. Last night we made more trips up the stairs than I care to count.

Today I told the girls if they would go straight up and sleep that we would make a craft tomorrow. Silence, not a peep, and no trips upstairs! We're going to start a reward chart tomorrow and hopefully get this room mate situation taken care of so they have one less big change with the big move.