What a Day!

Today is a lot more than ‘one of those days.’ I have a lot of ‘those days’, trying to figure out my way through motherhood, but today was a really rough one.

There’s the normal busy-ness of being a mom. The day started early, at 4 AM, with a sick baby. This morning there was a grocery list to make, a dishwasher to empty, a floor to sweep, three little bodies to feed & dress, and laundry to do. We did our grocery shopping (which requires three coats, one snow suit, a Moby wrap, a cart cover and six car seat bucklings in and of itself) and had lunch. Then we baked pumpkin bread, and I made peanut better fudge. More dishes. Two snacks served. Made dinner. More dishes. Wrapped Christmas presents. PJs on, teeth brushed, hair combed, bed time routine competed.

The baby started running a fever in the middle of all of this. This is one of those things I feel badly about. I should have been more firm about people handling him. There are only three people outside of our family who’ve held him lately, but perhaps I should have kept him home. He’s young enough that a temperature of 100.4 will send us at least to the doctor immediately. I’m so afraid that his temperature will go back up (its normal again now) and we’ll spend the week of Christmas at the hospital. He also had two diaper blow outs, so more laundry.

Then there is my oldest. I love her dearly, but I’m really struggling with her right now. She back talks consistently, she refuses to follow directions, she pushes me to my very limits. One success I felt I had, was not yelling today, but that pales in comparison to the failures I have felt with her. She knocked over a display at the store, flipped off a chair after I told her to stop, knocked her sister over, sat in her brother’s car seat, tore apart the bottom of her box spring mattress, hit her sister with a stick horse, and all through out the day defied nearly every direct command she was given.

I know what many would think she’s not disciplined enough, but the child spent nearly as much time in time out today as she did in ‘time in.’ I’ve explained rationally. I’ve done special things with her (we did the pumpkin bread together). I try to be sure she’s well rested—I bribed her used positive reinforcement to get her to take a nap with baking pumpkin bread.

I know this too shall pass, but I have to admit that as a mother there are days that I wonder how on earth we will make it through the rest of the growing up years. I am so thankful that at the end of the day, once I’ve done my very best, I can leave the situation, and ultimately my children with God. After all, they are his children, and simply on loan to me.